Stars Hollow Murders

Gilmore Girls reunion show, but a cozy: Star Hollow Murders. The most festival small town in Connecticut just got deadly. And municipal water. Finally.

Rory’s baby is now in 1st grade. Rory & Lorelai always find stiffs on the way to each week’s new seasonal festival’s food truck for hotdogs, elephant ears or coffee or something (probably coffee). Officer Kirk is stumped every week. Luke keeps wondering what the hell is going on.

“They just kept talking … I had to confess … talking … so … fast.”

Rory’s child finds the crucial clue every week. Silently. Brings it to Taylor’s ice cream shop every week. Walks in with Babette, who is always shocked such a small child is allowed to wander around unsupervised because, “there’s a *killer* in town.”

Each week Michel is certain Sookie is the killer. For the first half of every episode, the clues tend to point to her, but she is never the killer. Michel is always low-key dramatic about it, though, and never gives up hope that the Gilmores are wrong.

In the eventual series finale (season 10, feature-length ep), Dean finally returns to town. In a controversial bit of stunt casting, his previously unmentioned brother, Sam, is with him. They claim to be Federal agents chasing a serial killer. Sam is obsessed…

… with pie and a damn fine cup of coffee. Lorelai seems to have eyes for him until Luke decks him. But Lorelai was just trying to get close enough to see his case notes. What she learned about the Black Lodge disturbs her. This plot thread is not resolved, leading to…

… all sorts of fan outrage. Rory’s child, now 16, brings a Viking range knob to the ice cream shop, vindicating Michel’s decade-long suspicions that it was Sookie all along. She had fed all the previous “killers” psychotropic mushroom pasta sauce, & convinced them to confess.

Lorelai moves into her childhood home with a cranky Luke to care for her seriously aged mother. Rory takes over the inn & starts writing cat-based murder mystery mass market paperbacks. Her child starts Harvard. Dean & Sam leave town in a vintage muscle car with Michel in tow.

…end…

Originally a thread that will probably become mysteriously inaccessible in about six months or something.

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